I love the smell of old books … I become teary-eyed at the melody of dear and familiar old songs … and I love looking back through the scrapbook of my heart at the sweet, old memories of yesterday.
I love comfortable, old shoes … my mouth waters at old family recipes … and I am often hypnotized by the remembrances of friends from long ago.
Isn’t there just something so safe and comforting about the “old” that we treasure so dearly from the contentment of yesterday?!
Who doesn’t love “old”?!
Of course, now I do love “new”, too.
I love new babies … I applaud fresh ideas and innovative solutions … and I positively adore the possibility of making new friends!
I love the crisp smell of brand spanking-new books right off the shelves of the bookstore … my mouth waters at the tantalizing possibility of trying out new restaurants … and I have never been able to resist laying down some cash for some new, stylish shoes. And while you’re at it … throw in that trendy, fabulous, matching purse, too!
Who doesn’t love “new”?!
Sometimes I think that I am an old-fashioned girl with a new-fashioned mindset.
Or … perhaps I am a woman with one foot set comfortably and securely in the past with the other foot planted in tomorrow.
Maybe the conundrum is that I am a culturally savvy woman with her frame of reference firmly set in the delights of yesterday.
I certainly can linger in the solid joys of yesterday while I splash in all that is exciting and thrilling about today!
Oh yes I can!
I have often told my children, “When you think about me … don’t jump to any old-lady conclusions! I am not “just” a grandmother who has been married for nearly 4 decades!”
“I am not defined by the color of my roots, the number on my birth certificate or the wrinkles that now grace nearly every square inch of my skin,” I often remind that cheeky next generation of family McLeod!
How I long to convince them that …
I am still that little girl who read every book in the Elementary school library … who whiled away the long summer afternoons on a pink and white Schwinn bicycle … and who cried when Beth died in Little Women.
I am still that high school cheerleader who loved to practice the piano for hours on end and who hated to do algebraic equations.
I am still that college freshman who cried herself to sleep every night due to a dreadful case of homesickness.
I am still that blushing bride who is starry-eyed over the man of her dreams!
I am still a young mom who has fallen head over heals in love with a little person who only knows how to poop, burp and eat. (Sleep was never one of his areas of expertise but my! How that child could poop!)
I am a girl whose heart is filled with impossible dreams yet to be fulfilled … and who has garnered some hard-earned wisdom along the pathway that is known as “life”.
Dreams and wisdom … babies and gray-hair … yesterday and tomorrow … the old and the new …
Anniversaries and young love … the mommy minutes and the gramma days … Algebra and retirement … comfort and culture …
The older we grow perhaps the more our wizened hearts are tuned in to yesterday’s pleasures.
If I could do it all over again, quite frankly, there is not much that I would do differently. There are certainly minor adjustments that I would make in this heart that I call “home”, but for most of my life, I have lived at full-throttle with no regrets.
The minor adjustments that quite possibly might have changed the view from my heart are these …
I wish I that would have been friendlier in high school to those who were different from me.
I wish that I would have practiced the piano more diligently and with greater gusto!
I wish that I would have compared myself to others less.
I wish that I would have shared my faith with others more boldly.
I wish that I would have played with play dough with my kids more often … let them get glitter all over the kitchen floor and not stressed about it … and spanked less. Oh! How I wish!
I wish that I would have taken more vacations with my husband.
I wish that I would have stayed in closer touch with childhood, high school and college friends.
Now, I realize that those seemingly insignificant adjustments might not have changed the destination of my life but they certainly would have changed the daily flavor of my days.
And so now … rather than just be that antiquated lady who only looks back at all that is old and what “used to be” … I think that it might be time for this young girl to dream again.
Rather than sighing, “If only …”, perhaps it might be a wiser choice for me to declare, “I hope …”
I hope that I will engage a stranger in conversation tomorrow.
I hope that the books that are still in me will be written well … will be published … and then will be read and enjoyed by others.
I hope that I will sing loudly the song of my heart.
I hope that I will get to hold babies … to laugh with friends … and to travel to lots and lots of beaches!
I hope that I will fill the corners of my heart with the joy of His presence … with an uncommon compassion … and with the bravado to be more than I could possibly be on my own.
I hope that as the years fly by that my heart will linger in the past only momentarily and that when I think of yesterday that it will only be with gratitude.
I hope that when I leave this earth that I will leave with not one ounce of regret but with dreams still to be lived and fulfilled brewing in this very young heart of mine!
“Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43: 18 & 19
I’d love to hear from you this week!
What are the things that you treasure from your past?
What are some things that you are looking forward to?
As always … I am praying that you will be filled with the joy of His presence!